Tips for Parenting Dr. Kevin Leman
MISTAKES SINGLE PARENTS
DON’T WANT TO MAKE
#1 Avoid moving.
When the family’s foundation has been severely shaken, many parents want to leave that home behind. Stay put. There are exceptions, for example, if the family you have around you is toxic, or if the town isn’t big enough for both spouses, etc.
#2 Avoid letting grandparents parent your children.
With the daunting responsibility of parenting alone, who wouldn’t call Parent 911? Grandparents can serve as wonderful coaches, but they can’t take completely over.
#3 Avoid jumping into the dating game.
This is an extremely vulnerable season of life and plunging into another relationship during this period is simply trouble.
If possible, don’t start dating until after the kids are 18 years old and out of the house. He says by waiting, you make things as smooth as possible for the children. Realistically, with only 24 hours in a day, dating requires a significant portion of time and energy. If you want to raise healthy kids, waiting to date is the best thing you can do for them. If you are going to date, be sure that person can emotionally adopt your kids. Never remarry until you are able to release your children to the new mate as if they were his or her own.
We all have 24 hours a day. Too many single parents take on the same load as everyone else rather than adjusting their lives to the time that they have. Learn to say no. Limit the number of activities your family is involved in. Allow kids one activity per term. Say yes to doing things together. Presence with your children is far more important than anything else.
Encouraging Excellence
Fostering Fellowship
July 2011
Building a Warm and Loving Home
What do you remember about your parent’s home when you were growing up? Was it a warm and loving place to come home to? Was there laughter? Did you enjoy being with your family?
Do you remember kind and loving words said to you by your parents? Or was there negativity and criticism, shouting and fighting?
I remember my dad had to work long hours at the restaurant. He only had one day off a week, and he was not very involved in our lives. But I do remember my mother always being home when I got home from school. Snacks were always available. My mom had a good sense of humor. There were arguments, but there was also plenty of laughter and silliness.
I often think back to what my childhood was like. It helps me to better understand my children and what they may be going through. And I imagine what it’s like now for my children growing up in our home. What kind of memories will they have of me???
We have two opportunities for a parent-child relationship – one as the child, and one as the parent. As a child, we didn’t have much choice of what our home environment was like. Maybe you grew up in a less than ideal home. Perhaps there was neglect, abuse, or divorce.
As a parent now, we have a second chance to have a better home environment. We are no longer powerless; we are the ones who have the power to create the warm and loving home that we all would want to have.
Perhaps you are tired today, or feeling especially irritable. The atmosphere is far from warm at your house. Take a moment to think about what it’s like to be your child growing up in this home. Is it a little cold?
It is actually not difficult to take some chill out of the home atmosphere. Take a deep breath and do 3 simple things:
1. Go give each of your children a big hug and tell them you love them more than anything in the world. That is the truth, isn’t it? Sometimes we forget to tell them. And sometimes we also need to remind ourselves.
2. Give your children an apology. “I am sorry I was irritable with you. Will you forgive me?” Taking this step will show your children that you want to clear the air and start afresh.
3. Get some ice cream! When there is tension and everyone is in a bad mood, desserts and some nice music will help bring back a warm and loving atmosphere to your home.
What other ways have you found to build a warm and loving home? Email your thoughts to lastingdifference@gmail.com
Fall Summit 2011 - Nov. 3 & 4
Hyatt Place, Mesa, Arizona Hosted by Sunshine Acres Children Home
Relationships for Life
